Sometimes life is just crazy. You can go from smooth, calm, normal sailing to bursts of elation to feeling just plain rotten. Right now I'm feeling calm, so I thought I could finally share with my girlfriends what's been going on.
In January we did an IUI at the Reproductive Care Center in Draper, UT. (If you don't know what that is, you can google/bing it). The whole experience was easier than we thought, but rather discouraging because the success rate is only 11%. But hey -that's better odds than we've had so we decided to give it a go. Then the unthinkable happened: I was pregnant! It was the most surreal thing. We'd tried and prayed so long and then we just stood in the bathroom and stared at the test in disbelief. No jumping up and down and screaming, no tears of joy (that all came later), just dumb stares. We thought it was too good to be true!
Then after 5 weeks, apparently it was too good to be true because the Doctor's office called and said my levels had tanked and I'd be miscarrying any day. Awesome. I was hysterical.
That night I just "happened" to be reading in the book of Mosiah in the Book of Mormon. I read chapter 22, kept going to 23, and then "something" told me to keep reading. Chapter 24 is where the people are in bondage and suffering and the Lord says that He will make their burdens light. Not take them away just yet, but make them easier to bare. I had the most calming feeling come over me, and suddenly I knew that everything would be ok. I was still losing the baby, but I was going to be ok. When I started to bleed and pass everything I was still calm. I don't share all this so you feel sorry for me or to sound self righteous. But I share it because the Lord really does know us! It's still rough and I do get sad, but I'm not in bed completely depressed like I thought I would be. It's hard to explain; I guess you have to know me and my history with serious depression to really get it. But I know I've had angels around me lifing me up and getting me out of bed in the morning. And my favorite angel of all, Scott, has been here to make me smile and laugh even when I almost felt guilty for doing so. I know that with the Lord and with Scott I can get through anything.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Weeeell.....
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9 comments:
i love you!!!
Thanks for sharing this Stef. Even in my second trimester it is still so scary thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong...It's nice to be reminded that we do have angels watching over us.
Thanks for sharing your experience!! I'm so sorry, having gone through a miscarriage myself I know how hard it is! :( It's funny how I was thinking about you and something kept telling me to call you or text you but I ignored it because I thought it would be awkward and really out of the blue but I should of listened to it! :( I'm sorry. I'm a horrible friend! Anyway, I hope you're doing better! I wish you and Scott the best! and really call me if you need ANYTHING!!!
Good for you! It's hard, but good for you to not get laid low by this. The Lord does love us all.
Thank you for sharing this. It's hard when it is something so near and dear to you. The Lord will bless you and knows your hearts desires.
You're so strong Stef! I'll be praying for you.
Always remember what you told me last year when I was going through the same thing. Faith in God includes Faith in God's timing!
Love you!
Wow, I am crying and you are being strong. Our prayers are with you guys. Please hang in there!!
Wow, Steph, I had no idea you went through this ordeal. I'm so sorry for the tough experience, and thanks for sharing it and what you learned. You are amazing, and I wish you and Scott the best. Way to go for hanging on and going to the scriptures for answers!
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