Well it's almost been a year since I've written on my blog! I have to say that I've thought about it a lot, and had things I wanted to write about, but I forgot my password and couldn't recover it forever. This time I was smart and I wrote it down :) I really need to be better about writing because it's so therapeutic for me.
Anyway, I will start out by telling about the day I lost my dad. Or the day dad became lost - not sure which it is, actually. It all started over two years ago after Dad (hereafter referred to as Gary) was diagnosed with kidney cancer. The cancer was contained, so the Doctor was able to simply remove the kidney without having to worry about chemo or radiation. Simple enough, yes? Well, something happened. We don't know what. Something kinda snapped in him and he hasn't been the same since.
A few weeks after he came home from the hospital I got a phone call at work from my mom saying that a neighbor had called and said they found Gary wandering around the neighborhood and he wasn't sure where he was or what was going on. Thankfully I was off work early as Mom was stuck and couldn't leave. So I went to their house and took him back to our apartment that was a few blocks away at the time. He was so disoriented & confused, he wasn't even sure where we were going, though he'd been to our apartment several times. He was having trouble walking so I helped him into our place and got him down on the couch and comfortable.
As a side note, Chewy knew something wasn't right with his Papa. He stayed right with Gary and cuddled with him. I'd have thought it was really cute if I hadn't have been so worried about him!
Moving on, things were starting to get scary. He would try to talk but would forget completely what he was trying to say, his eyes would close and he would start to sway. I tried to keep him "awake", but the pupils of his eyes were almost gone they were so small; all I could see was the blue and he couldn't focus on anything.
This went on and on and I finally went into the bedroom & cried! I called Mom and told her what was happening and she immediately called his neurologist.
After a lot of tests, it was determined that he was having frontal lobe seizures. Not a thrashing and foaming kind of seizure, but the front part of his brain sits and fires repeatedly and quickly. Thankfully, it can be controlled with medication and he seemed to be doing well.
However, once we got the seizures under control, we started noticing other changes in him. He would still get really confused; not be able to do simple things he normally would be able to do; no filter on his mouth - he'll say whatever he feels like! Which can be funny, can be embarrassing. His reasoning skills were also lacking. A lot. Increased depression, anxiety, and some obsessive behavior. At time, particularly when he was over tired, he would mix up things he used to teach with his own memories. I got to hear all about his time in German internment camps...yeah.
With all of these issues, Mom begged us to move back in to the basement apartment of their house to help out. At this time we had just placed an offer on a townhouse, it was accepted, and we were SO excited to be getting our own place. But we knew we needed to help out with my parents. Gary just couldn't be alone for long periods of time and between my work schedule and mom's he was only alone for a couple of hours, which was manageable.
So that has been our life for the last two years. We worked, Scott went to school, and we took care of Gary & helped Mom out emotionally and with other stuff. It's been hard. Really hard at times. He's just not my dad anymore. My dad could fix anything! And if he didn't actually know what he was doing, he could MacGyver it :) He was a history professor. Granted, I don't need to know the history of the freeway, but he always made for interesting dinner conversation. Now it's all gone. I've dealt with it, mostly in jest because it's easier to make things funny, other wise I'd just cry.
Fast forward to July - Gary has a stroke to add to everything else.
Really universe? Really?!?
Okay, I'm over it now. Sorry about the novella, but I needed to get this down for me more than anything. It's been hard, but we do it. There are times when Scott and I are convinced that we are being prepared for a special needs child and we then consider taking our profile off the LDSFS adoption website. But we keep it there, having faith that we can handle whatever comes our way. Sometimes, Gary has really bad day and I think I can't help them anymore. It's too frustrating. But we do it anyway. Scott is so much more patient than I am! I don't know what I'd do without him! What a trooper he is to help take care of my crazy parents. I know he didn't sign on for that! I attribute it to his amazing parents who taught him the importance of family and their "that's just what you do for family" attitude.
I don't share this to make you feel sorry for me.
I share for my own sanity.
So there you have it.
